Finding an equilibrium
With help, Barbara Schoeman found ways to look ahead during her cancer fight.
When you become ill, your whole being gets sick – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So it stands to reason that a patient could benefit from treating the entirety of her being. When my medical team was planning my chemotherapy, I asked to see a nutritionist because I was worried about gaining weight during treatment. We all thought I wouldn't need much help with nutrition, given my healthcare background and interest in cooking.
As it turned out, I needed plenty of help. Surprisingly, for the first time in my life, I left food on my plate – lots of it. So, instead of gaining weight during chemo, I lost about 20 pounds. There is a lot of so-called nutrition advice available, but with the help of Stacy at the Zakim Center, I could be assured of receiving guidance that was scientifically validated and specific to cancer patients' needs, as well as met Dana-Farber's quality standards.
Of course, a lack of appetite was not my only problem. I was struggling to find my equilibrium while in the midst of a maelstrom of emotions. Like many cancer patients, I was scared. Suddenly, my life was out of control. I felt betrayed by my body and abandoned by God. I wanted to reduce my fear and anxiety, renew my spirit, and find a sense of peace. And so I started seeing Mary Jane Ott, then a nurse with the Pain and Palliative Care Program, to learn how to meditate.
"I don't think it's unusual, when facing serious illness, to search for meaning, for answers, for healing of the spirit."
Teaching a tense, neurotic New York Jew how to meditate is not an easy task. But week after week, Mary Jane's soothing voice would be captured in my tape recorder, teaching me the metta meditation "May I Be Safe." (Metta meditation involves sitting comfortably and repeating a phrase while breathing deeply.) She guided me in sessions that responded to whatever problems I was having at that point in treatment. I tried to calm my mind, practice my breathing, learn to be still, and mindfully meditate. I strove to appreciate each day, or if that day was not a good one, then be mindful of the moments that were good, and quiet my thoughts of bad outcomes. Meditation lessened my fears and helped me relax and feel more calm and in control, both in body and in spirit.
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